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Sharktopus Found Guilty in Sexual Harassment Lawsuit: 6 of 8 Tentacles Given Restraining Order

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Sharktopus may be the king of the beach, but bombshell babes are fighting back for their rights.   No fewer than 267 bikini beach beauties filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the salacious swimmer. “Sharktopus is guilty of advancing unwanted sexual requests in numerous incidents involving several of his tentacles” declared the judge. “He is hereby sentenced to one hundred and fifty-three days of vegetarianism as an exercise in self-denial.”  But is Sharktopus’ sexual appetite larger than his ravenous hunger for human flesh?

Sharktopus using his two unrestrained tentacles

“Just because he can rip a whale in two with his bare tentacles and chomp half the navy doesn’t mean he has the right to grope us,” protested 2004’s Miss USA Shandi Finnessey. “We may be prey but that doesn’t mean we’re interested.”

Sharktopus’ defense attorney, Guiles Barnacle, disputed the judge’s ruling: “Sharktopus is a beach beast. The very point of his existence is to terrorize semi-nude knock-outs.  So maybe a few breasts got grazed. Suck it up and swim with the big fish.” Barnacle called the sentence “inhumane.” “How can Sharktopus not feed on the blood of innocents?” he objected. “To suggest otherwise is an abomination against nature.”

Additionally, the judge awarded restraining orders for five of Sharktopus’ eight tentacles.  But he upped it to six when Sharktopus strangled the bailiff with tentacle “Wolfgang” (see story below).

Maria Haras is an aquatic rights activist exposing the mutant world one monster at a time.
Justin Fox is the only photographer to have snapped shots of Sharktopus and survived.
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Written by sosnowy

September 20, 2010 at 8:56 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

2 Responses

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  1. Sharktopus is innocent! We believe in you, Sharktopus — the truth will out!

    The hero of us all…

    Kudos to the brilliant, witty, articulate activist that made us aware of such a travesty with her prescient description and analysis of the claims made!

    Omar

    September 20, 2010 at 2:18 PM

  2. I agree with Mr. Barnacle. Sharktopus can’t help his nature and just needs to be treated with a little compassion.

    I look forward to reading further pieces by the talented young Ms. Haras!

    Jackie

    September 20, 2010 at 5:51 PM


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