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Sharktopus Takes Syfy to Court, CHOMPS the Judge

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Sharktopus Angered at Judge's Ruling

Friday, September 24th, Sharktopus took the Syfy Channel to court on allegations of misrepresentation. Sharktopus and Syfy’s relationship has been rockier than a sand-free beach. Sharktopus’ anger began to manifest itself after he saw the first trailer for the movie and realized he was being portrayed like a monster instead of the peace loving environmentalist he claims to be.

Sharktopus put together several pieces of evidence to prove that Syfy neglected Sharktopus’ rights as a mutant creature. First he claimed that Syfy did not show for his honorary picnic. Second they ignored his protest and demand for mutant rights earlier this month, not even deigning to comment on his complaints. Third he produced video of footage that he says Syfy and Roger Corman conspired to edit incorrectly and show Sharktopus in an unfair and untruthful light. Sharktopus tells us that “the film uses footage of me rescuing people and doing good, then it portrays me as a monster on a rampant killing spree, but this just isn’t true. You can see in my version of the film that I was merely CHOMPing the people who were clearly participating in the conspiracy against me.”

Here is Sharktopus’ video of his version:

Once Sharktopus was sitting at the plaintiff’s table, he appeared particularly angry that Syfy sent a lawyer and an unpaid intern to represent their defense case. The intern did not even take the stand for Sharktopus to cross examine her. He spit with anger, “I would have sucker-slapped her if she sat up there and spoke against me. What does an intern know? It’s the ultimate insult.”

Not only did the Honorable Judge Don Prudence refuse to allow cross examination of the defendant, but he refused to consider Sharktopus’ evidence as well, “You are an abomination, and you do not qualify under the equal protection clause because you are not a person. Therefore I will dismiss your suit and allow Syfy to air Sharktopus the Movie on Saturday September 25th 9/8 central time as scheduled.” He slammed his gavel several times when Sharktopus’ tentacles began twitching, “I will have order in this court! Restrain your tencleeeeeagh!” These were the last words Judge Don Prudence uttered before Sharktopus introduced him to the tentacle named Obliviator.

For fans who want to watch Julie and Roger Corman’s film, Sharktopus, here are a few games for your Sharktopus ViewingParty.

Written by sosnowy

September 24, 2010 at 10:29 AM

Sharktopus Inks Dinoshark and Demands Duel

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"Working with Sharktopus can be a slippery experience"

Sharktopus, a self-proclaimed environmentalist, suckered Julie Corman, Producer of Sharktopus the Movie, into funding his documentary “Sharktopus Saves the World One CHOMP at a Time”. Julie tells us that they “want to create a tsunami of attention for the plight of Sharktopus’ homesea.”

Julie Corman and Sharktopus have been working together for more than a year now, and apparently the voracious half-shark half octopus all CHOMPing creature expects individual attention. Sharktopus said, “I am CHOMP. I am Sharktopus. I am everything. This world revolves around me, and so should Julie.”

Julie describes working with Sharktopus as a “slippery experience. You never know which tentacle will be creeping into the conversation. It can make business a little tenuous, but I’ve got my ways of centering his focus.” She declined to comment on her methods for keeping the monster in check, but she did mention that keeping a room full of bikini girls is a good strategy.

To that we say: Watch out bikini girls attending casting calls for fishy documentaries. You might make a splash at your last audition.

Recently Sharktopus has accused Julie of offering Dinoshark a role in the documentary. From a beast who recently proclaimed that “he is his only hero” taking second seat is not an option. Sharktopus was overheard stating that “There is no bigger fish for me to fry than Dinoshark. How dare he presume to slither into MY documentary.”

Julie laughed at the allegations, “The point of the documentary is to highlight the plight of all creatures of the sea. Sharktopus might have to swallow some of his ego.”

Sarah Snow has traveled as far as Antarctica to drum up fishy stories about monsters of ill repute.

Written by sosnowy

September 22, 2010 at 9:08 AM

Sharktopus Threatens Syfy: Promotes Environmental Documentary

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Sharktopus trumpets his anger at Syfy. That’s right, recent tweets and articles apparently aren’t enough for this deep sea beast. This video was leaked to us from sharktopus2010 at gmail dot com, which we can only assume is Sharktopus’ personal email account.

In the video below, Sharktopus reveals how Syfy turned on him and tried to hunt him down all the while shooting footage of a movie that made Sharktopus look like a monster. Sharktopus provides evidence of how Syfy edited film to misrepresent him. Watch the clip below, and let us know if you think his argument has got a leg to stand on or if you think the reasoning is a bit fishy.

Transcript:

I’ve always lived my life as a mutant of integrity. I used my powers to protect these shores and keep people safe. I am a knight with spiked tentacles.

I became the hunted. They double-crossed me! And they think they can hide it all by making this movie? No! They’re the real monsters. They couldn’t even face me like real men!

Ouch! That hurt!

You can’t blame me for defending myself. All I wanted was life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The chance to find that someone special and have little baby sharktopii.

Look at this man firing at me in the water. Has he no regard for the sanctity of aquatic life?

I soon realized that everyone was a threat. Right down to the bikini clad women. It’s a conspiracy.

You’re not paranoid when they’re all out to get you. I had to take a stand–or perish.

Their lust for blood kept them in pursuit. How dare they. Has Syfy no shame?

In an effort to promote peaceful interspecies co-habitation, I have created a documentary about the disastrous effects of over-fishing the ocean. I’ve proposed that Syfy play this documentary on Saturday September 25th instead of airing the ridiculous and untruthful movie they’ve titled ‘SHARKTOPUS’.

If not, they’ll soon discover the wrath of my tentacles.

End Transcript

Video recovered by Vikram Chopkra and translated by Maria Haras and Sarah Snow

Written by sosnowy

September 21, 2010 at 12:14 PM

Sharktopus Angered at Syfy’s No-Show to Honorary Picnic

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Sharktopus reportedly invited Syfy to a picnic Thursday evening, but found himself stranded on the beach. In an exclusive interview, Sharktopus stated, “I’m a movie star, not a whale, and they can’t just ignore me. I know what’s really going on.”

The movie Sharktopus is scheduled to air on September 25th, and he’s been trying to get his tentacles on a copy before it hits TV. “There’s something fishy about this,” he stated about Syfy’s unwillingness to let Sharktopus see footage of the completed film.

Sharktopus says he was shocked when the trailer was released. He was under the impression that Syfy was filming a documentary from his perspective and felt the trailer portrayed him as a monster. “I like to eat people,” said the actor as his tentacles began to twitch, “what’s wrong with that?”

The interview ended abruptly when Sharktopus ate the camera intern.

Written by sosnowy

September 3, 2010 at 9:14 AM