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Posts Tagged ‘Documentary

Sharktopus Inks Dinoshark and Demands Duel

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"Working with Sharktopus can be a slippery experience"

Sharktopus, a self-proclaimed environmentalist, suckered Julie Corman, Producer of Sharktopus the Movie, into funding his documentary “Sharktopus Saves the World One CHOMP at a Time”. Julie tells us that they “want to create a tsunami of attention for the plight of Sharktopus’ homesea.”

Julie Corman and Sharktopus have been working together for more than a year now, and apparently the voracious half-shark half octopus all CHOMPing creature expects individual attention. Sharktopus said, “I am CHOMP. I am Sharktopus. I am everything. This world revolves around me, and so should Julie.”

Julie describes working with Sharktopus as a “slippery experience. You never know which tentacle will be creeping into the conversation. It can make business a little tenuous, but I’ve got my ways of centering his focus.” She declined to comment on her methods for keeping the monster in check, but she did mention that keeping a room full of bikini girls is a good strategy.

To that we say: Watch out bikini girls attending casting calls for fishy documentaries. You might make a splash at your last audition.

Recently Sharktopus has accused Julie of offering Dinoshark a role in the documentary. From a beast who recently proclaimed that “he is his only hero” taking second seat is not an option. Sharktopus was overheard stating that “There is no bigger fish for me to fry than Dinoshark. How dare he presume to slither into MY documentary.”

Julie laughed at the allegations, “The point of the documentary is to highlight the plight of all creatures of the sea. Sharktopus might have to swallow some of his ego.”

Sarah Snow has traveled as far as Antarctica to drum up fishy stories about monsters of ill repute.

Written by sosnowy

September 22, 2010 at 9:08 AM

Sharktopus Threatens Syfy: Promotes Environmental Documentary

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Sharktopus trumpets his anger at Syfy. That’s right, recent tweets and articles apparently aren’t enough for this deep sea beast. This video was leaked to us from sharktopus2010 at gmail dot com, which we can only assume is Sharktopus’ personal email account.

In the video below, Sharktopus reveals how Syfy turned on him and tried to hunt him down all the while shooting footage of a movie that made Sharktopus look like a monster. Sharktopus provides evidence of how Syfy edited film to misrepresent him. Watch the clip below, and let us know if you think his argument has got a leg to stand on or if you think the reasoning is a bit fishy.

Transcript:

I’ve always lived my life as a mutant of integrity. I used my powers to protect these shores and keep people safe. I am a knight with spiked tentacles.

I became the hunted. They double-crossed me! And they think they can hide it all by making this movie? No! They’re the real monsters. They couldn’t even face me like real men!

Ouch! That hurt!

You can’t blame me for defending myself. All I wanted was life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The chance to find that someone special and have little baby sharktopii.

Look at this man firing at me in the water. Has he no regard for the sanctity of aquatic life?

I soon realized that everyone was a threat. Right down to the bikini clad women. It’s a conspiracy.

You’re not paranoid when they’re all out to get you. I had to take a stand–or perish.

Their lust for blood kept them in pursuit. How dare they. Has Syfy no shame?

In an effort to promote peaceful interspecies co-habitation, I have created a documentary about the disastrous effects of over-fishing the ocean. I’ve proposed that Syfy play this documentary on Saturday September 25th instead of airing the ridiculous and untruthful movie they’ve titled ‘SHARKTOPUS’.

If not, they’ll soon discover the wrath of my tentacles.

End Transcript

Video recovered by Vikram Chopkra and translated by Maria Haras and Sarah Snow

Written by sosnowy

September 21, 2010 at 12:14 PM